How to get the pay you deserve at the negotiation table
Ever since I started my very first job, I've always made it a point to negotiate my salary.
Why? Well, my aunt, who made her way up the corporate ladder and reached the #2 position at a bank in the 1990s, is a 1.47-meter-tall Chinese woman in a predominantly white male company. Her golden rule? "If you don't ask, you'll never get it."
Though, she didn't teach me how to ask.
As the annual performance review approaches, three of my clients have approached me seeking advice on how to negotiate a pay raise at work. I'm glad they reached out because negotiation is an essential skill in building relationships.
Let me share the simplified method that I've developed over the years, which can be applied to any negotiation scenario—even deciding who tackles the dishes tonight 😉
This week, I did the exercise of timing every single minute of my tasks. Why did I do this? I wanted to assess how much time I spent on different activities and eliminate wasted time, such as social media consumption.
Today's talk:
- Negotiation as an opportunity
- Muscle up your assertiveness
- Design the environment
- Paraphrase: the secret tool
- Conclusion
Negotiation as an opportunity
First off let me ask you, how would you visually represent the word 'negotiation'?
Take a second.
...
...
...
Two boxers in a ring? People arguing? Individuals trying to compromise?
No wonder people shy away from negotiating. People dislike conflicts. I don't want to fight every time I negotiate.
BUT,
What if it isn't?
What if negotiation isn't a bad word?
What if, it's NOT a zero-sum game, where one wins and one looses.
Consider this formula:
Negotiation = Communication process + Win-Win situation
In other words, negotiation is a positive opportunity for both parties to re-align each other, where everyone gets what they want.
Put it this way, what are your risks for negotiating?
Muscle up your assertiveness
"It is defined as the ability to express yourself in an open, calm, and direct way whilst still respecting others." Assertiveness is nothing more than listening to your needs AND the needs of others.
Contrary to popular belief, 'negotiating' isn't about walking over the other person without caring about their thoughts and desires. The 'winner' isn't the one that talks the loudest with the best rhetoric (we all have this one friend who thinks they know better than everyone else).
That's not assertiveness, that's straight-up bullying. It's like a form of aggression.
True assertiveness is understanding and communicating what you truly want while giving the other party space and comfort to share.
Consider asking about your ideal pay rise, minimum expectations, negotiating work-from-home days, flexible hours, or better leave arrangements.
And don't forget to explore what your manager truly want: reach x goals by y time, get the work done so they can focus on more important tasks or responsibilities, get commission on that performance, being less stressed for your report...
How do you ask the other party's intention?
Design the environment
Setting the appropriate environment for the talk is the #1 rule.
Are both of you open to discussion? Do both of you understand the importance of the situation? Have you prepared your arguments and identified your true desires? What are your non-negotiables? Have you questioned about your manager's expectations?
Negotiation is a long discussion as such:
Introduction (warm up, setting up the mood, rules) Body of the discussion (what you want, what they want, the conviction, the solutions) Conclusion (alternative solutions, next steps) A successful negotiation requires trust building. Trust in the relationship, trust in the other.
And to build trust, you need time. Lots of time.
If your manager cuts your time in half, be aware! It may be a sign they're not open to negotiation. Consider changing the force rapport: ask to postpone the meeting or suggest a follow-up to finish the discussion.
What preparation have you done before the negotiation?
Paraphrasing, your secret tool
Paraphrasing is your best friend in negotiation.
It allows you to:
- clarify a question
- rephrase a need
- give yourself time to think
- channel emotional states
At the negotiation table, emotions can easily surface.
Paraphrasing without saying the emotion is your best resource.
For instance, if after an unpleasant remark from your boss, you start your sentence with "I can tell you're angry with your question..." and before you finish your phrase, they will get back to you, "I'm not angry, I just feel frustrated by your point..."
Instead, say "I see your enthusiasm in your remark, what you actually mean is...." In that case, no one gets offended, and we move on to the actual topic instead of debating with parasites.
Ask yourself, what do they really want behind those words?
Conclusion
Finally, the best way to become a better negotiator is by shifting your mindset.
If you genuinely believe that negotiation is a relational skill for better communication and optimised results for all, you will want to improve this skill every day.
This brings me to my next point: practice is essential for developing your negotiation skills.
You don't have to practice in a "hostile" situation every time. In fact, you're already negotiating on a daily basis with friends, partners, parents, children, neighbours, and more. You can sharpen your negotiation abilities at any table by simply paying more attention and approaching these interactions with intention.
"Confidence in communication is not about eliminating fear, but about learning to navigate it and remain focused on the needs of others." - Matt Abrahams
And lastly, in every negotiation, both parties have their own interests at stake. If there are no interests involved, it's not a negotiation but rather a power struggle.
Within a company, both sides have interests, involving a trade-off of time and labour: you are paid in exchange of your skills and your time. If the other party fails to recognise your interests, it becomes crucial to demonstrate or prompt them to express it.
Thank you for reading & build your money mindset 💪
Sophie
