The ONLY mindset shift that heals my relationships and everything else
Let me share an unusual love story.
Back in the 80s, two young immigrants fell in love and became parents to a daughter. They were working day in and day out, hustling for a better life for their child. But working long hours also meant they were hardly ever at home.
As time passed, the daughter felt a lack of love and connection. Slowly, as school started, she found love and companionship in the support of her friends, teachers, and mentors.
Fast forward to adulthood, she ventured out on her own. She moved abroad and carved out a completely different path from her parents: she unintentionally distanced herself from them as much as possible.
She visited her parents now and then, but it was clear they were on different wavelengths. The parents were still pushing their dreams onto her, even though her desires differed fundamentally from theirs. This clash resulted in regular arguments and conflicts, creating this awkward gap.
Deep down, the daughter felt guilty. She gets that her parents love her and did their best, providing the essentials – shelter, food, and clothing.
For 15 years, she was conflicted between her identity and the identity projected by her parents.
Until she fully understood (and implemented) one thing: there are always advantages and disadvantages in all situations.
This mindset can be applied to any situation. Let me delve into the questions to ask yourself in every conflictual context.
First week of the year, I've been tracking my objectives.
The results: I've been way too greedy trying to overdo things and failed. I have now limit myself to 3 main priorities daily. Anything else is optional.
Today's agenda:
- The negatives
- The positives
- The whole picture
The negatives
Think about a recent situation that left you feeling irritated or uneasy – for instance, a messy divorce, a clash with your boss, job loss in the pandemic, a breakup, toxic friendships, financial stress, or maybe a physical setback.
Now, take a moment to reflect on the disadvantages brought by this situation.
If you had a problem with your boss, you might have encountered workplace tension, struggled to perform your job effectively, or dealt with office politics.
When your partner/friends didn't meet your expectations, you might have felt betrayed or experienced rejection and abandonment.
Finally, your financial stress has prevented you from investing in your retirement, buying a house, or spending intentionally.
By identifying these disadvantages, you can better understand your challenges and associated emotions. Once you're done, let's move on to the most important question.
The positives
What are the advantages of the stressful situation?
“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” Napoleon Hill
Yes, you read it correctly: flip the script to the advantages. There's no typo there.
You might initially think, "Sophie, there are absolutely no benefits to any of the situations you listed."
Well, I'm here to argue that it's not true. Let's think outside the box.
While everyone is unique and we all have different ways of thinking, I can certainly come up with several reasons, which I'll list randomly below:
- Got boss trouble? Maybe it's a crash course in conflict resolution and personal growth and getting alternative solutions to a toxic work environment.
- Disappointed friends/partner? It could spark better communication and connections, pushing you to grow and find true love elsewhere.
- Physical injury? Maybe you discover a new sport and develop new muscles.
- Financial stress? It could be investing in yourself through acquiring new skills, participating in coaching programs, and being more resourceful...
Remember, these reasons will be unique to you and your specific circumstances.
Finding these silver linings helps us see the positive impacts on our lives.
The whole picture
As Antoine Lavoisier said "Nothing is lost, nothing is created, everything is transformed".
This 360-degree approach illustrates the quote perfectly. It considers both the positive and negative aspects, embracing the duality, the black and white, the yin and yang, where opposing forces coexist and create something new.
In all challenging circumstances, there are always benefits to be gained.
In every tough spot, there's a chance to grow.
Just like the little girl who didn't receive the love she craved from her parents, she found it elsewhere. She looked up to ambitious and successful role models, who encouraged her on her own path. Through this experience, she became the strong, independent woman she is today.
Perhaps if her parents had given her the love and attention she expected, she might have grown closer to them and not sought mentorship elsewhere. She might have followed in their footsteps, perpetuating similar family patterns and values.
Let's be clear. I'm not labeling one scenario as superior to the other: there is no absolute right or wrong, better or worse situation.
In both scenarios, she has the potential to craft her best life by seeing the whole picture, accepting that her past experiences have contributed to her strength today.
Her past has shaped her into the person she is now.
"Life is about perspective and how you look at something... ultimately, you have to zoom out." Whitney Wolfe Herd
And when you do, you can see beauty in every corner.
Are you ready to become the best version of yourself in 2024?
Let’s make a financially confident generation! 💪
Sophie
PS - The story of the little girl was me :)
PSS - Are you ready to experience transformation? Overcome your deepest limiting beliefs and embrace living your best life in a FREE 60-minute coaching spot. Here's an exciting opportunity: all you have to do is apply here by answering a single question. I will personally select two fortunate winners by next week.
