Why Your Money Problems Aren't Just About Money? (And What to do With it?)
Reading time: 10 minutes
There was a time when I was a financial advisor, convinced that having the right financial knowledge could solve all sorts of money problems...
Well, it turns out that it doesn’t work most of the time, no matter how much money you have.
I wish they taught "Money Psychology 101" at school, I would have saved a lot of time and money!
In this article, I want to chat about some common misconceptions we have about money. We’ll explore how our brains think about finances, the powerful beliefs we hold about money, and I’ll share three easy ways for you to identify your own money beliefs.
Agenda:
- The top 3 common misconceptions about money
- How does the brain think about money?
- The pros and cons of money beliefs
- How to identify your own money beliefs?
- Brain Dump, Money Biography and Parents Mirroring*
- How to transform your money beliefs?
- Key takeaways of Psychology of Money 101
- The costs of not knowing your money beliefs
The top 3 common misconceptions about our money problems
Many people tend to think their financial struggles boil down to three main reasons:
#1 LACK OF FINANCIAL KNOWLEDGE
First up is the idea that not having enough financial education is why so many people struggle with managing their money.
While there’s some truth to this, it doesn’t tell the whole story. How often do we tell ourselves things like, “I’ll learn about finances when I have time,” or “Once I know enough, I’ll start investing”?
But let’s be real—how often do those promises actually pan out?
I’ve seen clients get stuck in a never-ending loop of trying to learn everything about personal finance, always chasing the latest investment trends (by the way, that’s not financial planning, that’s a hobby!), instead of actually making a solid plan.
Let me clarify once and for all: money isn’t just about numbers, money is deeply emotional too.
#2 LACK OF MONEY
Next is the belief that having more money will solve all our problems.
You’ve probably heard someone say, “I’ll be happy when I’m rich,” or “I’ll start planning once I have more cash.”
Sure, more money can open doors, but it doesn’t guarantee happiness. Many people find themselves on a constant treadmill, always wanting “more”, whether it’s a better job, a fancier car, or a bigger house.
I’ve worked with clients who make six figures but still struggle with debt. They genuinely believe that if they just had more money, all their problems would disappear.
The reality? More money often leads to wanting even more and spending even more, not necessarily being happier.
#3 MONEY PROBLEMS WILL DISAPPEAR
Last but not least, there’s this common belief that if we just wait long enough, our financial issues will sort themselves out as we get older.
I often hear “I’ll think about my finances later” or “I’ll start planning when I earn a certain amount.”
Unfortunately, I’ve met clients in their 50s and 60s who are still wrestling with financial anxiety. Breaking bad habits that have been around for decades is WAY HARDER than tackling them early on.
So here’s the bottom line: your financial situation won’t magically improve on its own.
And remember, no one will care as much about your financial well-being as you do!
How does the brain think about money?
So why do we say that money is emotional?
Let’s dive into neuroscience 101 to explain how our brilliant brains think.
Simply put, we have two brains that dictate our behaviours:
The Thinking Brain (Prefrontal Cortex): This is the part of the brain we primarily use when engaged in cognitive tasks. It involves problem-solving, logical reasoning, and operates best when we are in a calm state. Activation of this brain region takes longer but leads to more thoughtful responses.
The Emotional Brain (Limbic System): This brain region generates primal impulses and emotional responses. It is responsible for the fight-flight-freeze response and is often triggered by external stimuli. It reacts quickly, sometimes leading us to engage in actions that we may not fully understand or even regret later.
In many situations, the activation of our emotional brain is not necessarily related to our level of intelligence. Even the smartest individuals can be triggered emotionally and engage in regretful behaviours.
One of the challenges we face is being unaware of our triggers and how to manage the emotions that hijack our thinking brain.
This is particularly common in money-related situations, leading to issues like overspending, financial anxiety, or engaging in speculative investments.
Your emotional brain is also where your past emotions are stored, this also explains why your financial behaviours are related to your experiences.
The pros and the cons of money beliefs
Let's start by understanding what a money belief is.
Make it stand out
Money beliefs are like sneaky little creatures. They may be invisible, but their impact can be louder than a rock concert. These beliefs have the remarkable ability to dictate our actions, both consciously and subconsciously. They hold immense power over us.
The pros
- There are some awesome money beliefs you’ve cultivated that have made a real impact on your life. They've been the secret sauce behind your hard work and success. These beliefs have fuelled your hustle game, pushing you to put in the effort every single day.
- These same money beliefs have also given you the power to shape your own destiny subconsciously. You've been able to make smart choices when it comes to your studies and career. You've taken control and pursued your dreams with determination.
The cons
- There are some tricky money beliefs that have played a not-so-great role in your life.
- They may lead you to reject money, obsess over it, or create issues in your relationships.
- These beliefs often result in unconscious overspending, suffering from chronic not-good enough, a desire for always wanting more, or even influence our choice of partners.
These same money beliefs can be contradictory and paradoxical. It's like having a split personality when it comes to your money mindset.
Well, you're not alone. Many of us have fallen victim to these tricky beliefs.
The costs of not knowing your money beliefs
And if you don’t know your money beliefs, you will…
- Repeat the same mistakes over and over again
- Wake up one day running out of your savings
- Worsen your financial anxiety
- Lack financial confidence
- Have no financial empowerment
- ...
The great news is that I believe that everyone has the power to reshape their money beliefs and move towards a more balanced and happier future. Yes! Everyone including you!
It's all about progress, not perfection. So, how do we even know what are our money beliefs are?
How to identify your own money beliefs
Here I’m sharing 3 exercises to label your money beliefs that you can do at the comfort of your own home (or office).
Let's kick off with the first exercise: Brain Dump.
Sure, you might be aware of some of the obvious money beliefs, like the ones you often heard your parents repeating. But we're going to dig deeper.
Grab a pen and paper or your favourite note writing app, and without any filter or holding back, jot down the very first things that come to mind when you think about money.
This is your opportunity to empty your mind. No filter, no holding back. Get it all out on paper.
One you finish the list, ask yourself: is there anything else missing?
If you want to take a step further, you can self analyse your money beliefs by assessing whether they are falling into a money disorder category - which is a term coined by Brad Klontz and Ted Klontz in their book "Mind over Money".
Money disorders are these persistent, predictable patterns of self-destructive financial behaviours that wreak havoc in our lives. They bring along heaps of stress, anxiety, emotional distress, and seriously mess things up in major areas of our existence.
The three types of common money disorders by Brad & Ted Klontz (avoidant, worshipping and relational)
The second exercise is named: Money Biography
It's time to take a stroll down memory lane.
This exercise is pure gold in coaching. It helps you understand how your younger self experienced money, but also validation, acceptance, appreciation, love, and belonging. We're talking about connecting the dots between what went down in your childhood and the financial behaviours you hold today.
Find a comfortable spot, close your eyes, and let's embark on a journey through your memories.
We'll be scanning your early childhood, focusing on any significant moments related to money.
These memories can involve your own experiences or those of your parents, grandparents, or even friends. We want to explore the first money memory that comes to mind.
For instance:
Age 5 - I remember accidentally breaking my father's watch, and he became extremely angry. He slapped me because it was an "expensive gift." I felt an overwhelming sense of shame and somehow devalued compared to that watch. It seemed like the watch held more importance to him than I did. This incident changed our relationship, leaving me feeling angry and deeply saddened.
Age 6 - We lived in a small apartment, and I had to share a room with my brother. I despised it because I didn't have my own space, and my brother would tease me about silly things. I remember feeling annoyed most of the time, but sometimes his actions would upset me to the point of tears. Our parents reassured us that one day, we would move to a bigger house.
Now, let's continue your money biography chronologically, year by year, until the present day. Share the memories, your age at the time, and any associated emotions that arise. You don't need to delve into great detail for each memory. Simply state the memory, your age, and the feelings that come to mind.
Let’s unravel your personal history with money and together create a compelling money biography.
Let's dive into the third and final exercise: Parents Mirroring.
This exercise aims to shed light on the financial behaviours that have been passed down to you by your parents or caregivers.
It's fascinating how we, as kids, are like sponges, absorbing everything we see and hear. Without even realising it, we subconsciously imitate our caregivers or the opposite. Some of the behaviours we exhibit are a result of our unique personalities.
Draw a table with different columns. Each column represents a caregiver that has been omnipresent in your childhood. Perhaps your parents, uncles, aunts, a grandparent etc.
Now, close your eyes, and take a moment to reflect on each of your caregivers’ financial tendencies.
List every adjective or sentence that comes to your mind related to their financial behaviours. It could be something they did or said often.
Are they more of a spender or a saver? Are they a hard worker or a risk-taker? What is their relationship with money? What do they say about rich people or poor people? What is the thing you noticed about them when you were young?
Then once you finish their lists, draw a last column which is yourself, and do the same exercise.
Now you have a clear picture of your money patterns. Highlight the ones that are “inherited” by your caregivers and circle the ones you’ve manifested on your own. By identifying which behaviours originated from whom, you can gain a better understanding of the origins of your own financial behaviours. It's like piecing together the puzzle of your money mindset.
So, what's next?
Here we go: now you know all the secrets to identify your money beliefs, even the hidden ones.
If you have applied everything shared in this page, congratulations!
Most people are not aware of their limiting money beliefs. So you are already doing better than 90% of people.
For the next few days and maybe your whole year, you will notice a lot of money habits from yourself but also around you, and well you know awareness is the first step of change.
You can also start thinking about what money belief you want to keep and which ones you want to get rid of, and this is where the magic happens!
Do you find it challenging to identify and/or transform your money beliefs?
Remember, you don't have to navigate this journey alone! I invite you to reach out to me, where we can discuss your main roadblocks and work together to overcome them.
If you believe that you are experiencing deeper issues, severe addiction, or other mental health concerns, it is important not to isolate yourself. Reach out for professional mental health support in your area.
Key takeaways Psychology of Money 101
Recognise that personal finances is more than just mathematics.
Personal finances account for 80% psychology, 20% financial knowledge.
Our childhood experiences heavily influence our financial behaviours today.
Beliefs hold immense power, shaping our lives, studies, careers, relationships and money.
With consistency and persistence, you have the power to transform those beliefs.
Transforming your money beliefs is a journey, learn to appreciate the ups and downs rather than solely focusing on the end results.
Frequently Asked Questions
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When it comes to changing deeply ingrained money beliefs, it can definitely be a challenge but not impossible.
One strategy you can try is exploring your money triggers. Pay close attention to situations or topics that evoke strong emotions or reactions related to money. These triggers can often provide valuable clues about your deep-seated beliefs and fears. By examining your emotional responses, you can gain insight into the underlying beliefs that drive them.
Another option to consider is working with a Money Coach. Professionnals can offer guidance and support as you navigate the process of transforming your money behaviours. They have specific exercises and techniques that can help you delve deeper into your mindset and uncover the beliefs that may be holding you back. Feel free to book a call here with me to engage the conversation.
Remember, changing your money beliefs is a personal journey, and it may take time and effort. But with self-reflection, exploration of triggers, and the assistance of a professional, you can make progress in transforming your relationship with money.
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Identifying your money beliefs is a gradual and ongoing process. Be patient with yourself and approach it with curiosity and an open mind. As you delve deeper into your relationship with money, you'll gain clarity and a better understanding of your beliefs.
Here are a couple of perspectives and strategies to consider:
Patience and Self-Compassion: Changing money beliefs takes time and self-compassion. Be patient with yourself and understand that resistance is normal. Embrace the process as an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. Remember, you don't have to tackle everything at once. Take your time and work on it gradually over the next few weeks.
Seek Support: Consider seeking support from your partner or a friend. Discussing your money beliefs with others can provide fresh insights and help you challenge any limiting beliefs.
Alternatively, you can also grab a virtual coffee chat with me (click here to book a FREE call) to identify blind spots you may not see on your own.
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First and foremost, it's important to remember that differing financial perspectives within a relationship are quite common. We all have unique backgrounds, experiences, and beliefs when it comes to money. The key lies in finding common ground and establishing open and honest communication.
Here are a few steps you can take to navigate this situation:
Open Dialogue: Initiate a calm and respectful conversation with your partner about your financial planning and money beliefs. Create a safe space where both of you can express your thoughts, concerns, and aspirations. Listen actively to understand each other's perspectives without judgment.
You can kickstart the conversation with: What does money mean to you? How was it growing up in your family financially?
Identify Common Goals: Discover shared financial goals that you both can strive towards. It could be saving for a down payment, planning for retirement, or even funding a dream vacation. Finding common ground and aligning your goals can help create a sense of unity and purpose.
You can kickstart the conversation with: How do you see ourselves in 5 and in 10 years? If we win the lottery tomorrow, how would you live your life differently?