how much does it cost to be a mother?
Having a child undeniably involves costs, but it's not just about a bigger house, diapers, or an extra mouth to feed.
It always costs more than expected.
It goes without saying that both parents are usually willing to pay to welcome the child into this world.
Yet, today, I'm not referring to the money you spend on the child or the house, but about all the invisible costs of the pregnancy as well as the money you "lose" as a mother.
Why? Moms work more yet get paid less, but we don't talk about it.
I also want to caveat that I'm not implying that fathers don't face any challenges. In fact, they also have their share of set of difficulties, such as the pressure of providing for the family, mental health taboos, fatherhood expectations, and work-life balance, among others.
Likewise, in same-sex relationships, there is sometimes a more equal distribution of domestic labour, although they can still fall back into the stereotypes of parenthood roles. Ok now, let's explore the different existing invisible costs!
Today's agenda
- The prenatal invisible price
- The working and earning gap
- The impact of motherhood penalty
The prenatal invisible price
Even before the baby arrives, women face various costs related to medical expenses, necessities, and well-being.
Firstly, most insurance companies do not cover 100% of medical bills such as CT scans, ultrasounds, and hospitalisation.
Additionally, there is the need to accommodate the wardrobe due to changes in size, requiring new bras, dresses, pants, etc.
Now, if they can afford it, women might need prenatal yoga sessions and chiropractor consultations to smooth the pregnancy process (and the pain).
If moms are "lucky" to live in one of those countries that offers maternal leave, those benefits might not match their regular paycheck, so they need to be prepared for a potential dip in their earnings or relying on their partner.
Sub-total costs = medical fees + necessity costs + well-being costs + difference between your initial pay and maternal leave benefits
The working and earning gap
The baby has arrived! Unless you live in Scandinavia, Spain, or Japan, fathers usually have limited time off and receive less or no pay during that period (paternal leave is still uncommon).
Besides, the lack of daycare accessibility is universal. So mothers are on their own and may consider extending parental leave, especially if they do not have nearby parents available or choose to personally raise their child.
The working gap is then doubled.
The doubling of workload starts... at home: doing both domestic chores (cleaning, groceries, planning...) AND parenting obligations (emotional support, child care, games...).
Recent studies have shown that there is still a large gap between men and women in time spent on doing house works:
- In France, men spend 2hrs15 vs women 3hrs44
- In the USA, men spend 2hrs45 vs women 4hrs30 (Which by the way, I don't know any mothers who only work 3 hours a day but well... those are average figures).
If we consider the work worth a $20 hourly rate, this translates to an annual pay gap ranging from $10,841 to $12,836 for the invisible work being performed.
Sub-total costs: unpaid domestic work + unpaid parental work
“The Mental Load” illustrated by French comic artist Emma
The impact of motherhood penalty
With or without children, women of a certain age are asked if they are considering having children during job interviews. Although companies are not legally allowed to base their hiring decisions on this information, it doesn't refrain them from asking.
Once women announce their pregnancy, mothers may face being sidelined or excluded from career advancement opportunities, or are not offered flexible work schedules: this is part of the motherhood penalty.
It's a term coined by sociologists that describes the disadvantages encountered by working mothers in pay, perceived competence, and benefits, compared with childless women.
As a result, mothers experience a 60% drop in earnings compared to fathers in the decade following the birth of a first child, and women have lower pension balances at the end of their working lives: they save about 44 percent less for retirement than men in the US.
Overall, they earn less, save less, and invest less.
Sub-total costs: discrimination at work + slower career evolution + less retirement pension
Here we have it, the total invisible costs of motherhood:
The total invisible costs of being a mother
In many loving partnerships, the partner's savings and pension are considered a joint effort, a shared retirement plan until.... separation enters the picture. That's when things get messy, especially for mothers facing the motherhood penalty. It's a tough reality to face, but it's important to be aware of these financial implications and plan accordingly.
How? Awareness is the first step for change.
Let's be real and have those uncomfortable conversations about finances, even in the best of times - make them comfortable!
- Have you discussed money matters with your partner?
- Have you started talking about money with your children?
- If not, how can you start?
- What about having an audit that lists ll the tasks and responsibilities you handle at home, along with your partner?
Break the silence around this taboo topic, build financial confidence and financially empower our children.
Sophie
PS - I didn't even include the psychological cost of being a mother, which includes the mental load, antenatal depression, postpartum mood disorders, miscarriage, sleep disruption, self-care challenges, and identity shifts.
PSS - It's Global Money Week! Parenting Coach, Anne-Laure, and I are going to chat about the 3 biggest obstacles for parents to take action in their children's financial education this Wednesday. Sign up here to join our conversation!
