Our actions define who we are
In this week's edition, I will share three concrete actions that can help you transform a challenging financial behaviour into a positive one.
These behaviours can include: overspending, emotional shopping, picking individual stocks (aka gambling your money), feeling stressed when looking at your bank account, avoiding checking your bank account, calling your bank for a loan, checking your debt numbers altogether, etc.
This is the second coaching pillar among the AAA Framework: Awareness, Action, (h)Abit.
Last week, we focused on becoming more aware of challenging financial emotions (if you missed it, you can catch up here).
So, what can we do today to transform your irritating money behaviours?
Here are three steps that you can immediately implement #Nomoreexcuses
Today's agenda
- Picking the sexy goal
- Listing all step-by-step actions you can take
- Starting gradually on your own terms
Picking the sexy goal
First, you may be selective in which behaviour you want to transform.
What is your top priority? Is it really investing? Or perhaps simply gaining a better understanding of your financial situation?
Start by dumping a list of all the aspects of your current financial behaviours that you dislike.
Then, to help you select what will be your top priority, consider the opposite of each behaviour and ask yourself, "Who do I want to become?"
Think about the new identity you are striving to build. Is the goal sexy and appealing enough?
Let's revisit Dan's example from last week. Remember, she was a 43-year-old executive. While Dan initially approached me with the goal of preparing for retirement, we discovered - when digging deeper - that her first and foremost desire was to become a conscious shopper.
As an executive, she felt out of control when shopping, driven by her emotions and external influences (the market and capitalism). She wanted to regain control over her shopping habits and over her life.
Dan's top priority: stop being an emotional shopper Dan's new identity: being a conscious shopper
> You are what you do, not what you say you'll do.> Carl Jung
Listing all step-by-step actions you can take
Now that you have identified the behaviour you want to change, create a full list of actions you can take to achieve that goal.
What would the new me do? OR what would ______ do (fill the gap with anyone you admire)?
Visualise what this new person would do as clearly as possible. Draw the picture in your mind. Would that person know what they want? Be confident? Say no? Depict all the possible behaviours.
Another way of thinking is identifying any triggers that might lead you back to your old behaviour and outlining steps to counteract them.
For example, in Dan's case, she pictured herself in her new identity. The new her would:
- Confidently enter shops, without the feeling of an urge to buy
- Know exactly what she wants, instead of aimlessly browsing
- Engage in dopamine-driven activities before shopping (e.g. exercising)
- Set a monthly spending limit without feeling guilty
- Take three deep breaths before purchasing to disconnect from emotional impulses (see how the brain works here)
Make your list of actions visible by taking a screenshot or writing them down and placing it somewhere you will frequently see it, such as your bathroom wall, nightstand, and/or your phone's screensaver.
Starting gradually on your own terms
Spending $15,000 on shopping per month and then suddenly spending $0 is nearly impossible and also not sustainable.
You don't have to (and don't want to!) make extreme changes overnight.
I personally hate drastic diets because cutting out carbs completely just doesn't work. That's a guarantee for a yo-yo effect.
Instead, aiming to be a generally healthy person who eats well about 80% of the time, while allowing yourself to indulge in junk food for the remaining 20% is more realistic.
In the case of Dan, she didn't wake up one day and stop spending any money. It started with reading her to-do list every morning while brushing her teeth. This helped her remember who she wanted to become and what actions she needed to take.
As mentioned in the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, you can try implementing his "gateway habits" method, which is a ranking for challenging actions to more manageable ones.
- Going to a shop without spending is very difficult.
- Exercising before shopping is challenging.
- Taking three deep breaths before shopping is moderately difficult.
- Walking around my building before shopping is easy.
- Reading my rules every morning while brushing my teeth is very easy.
You can establish your own set of winning rules by listing these habits.
Winning rules are essential for maintaining a positive mindset.
OK, it may sound like something a guru would say. But having these rules in place can make it easier for you to fulfil at least one of them. Each time you succeed, your brain registers it as a winning streak and releases dopamine, which will help you keep going in the long run.
On the other hand, if your winning rule is to stop spending in any shops and you fail 5 times in a row, I bet your brain will signal you that you're UNABLE TO CHANGE, and you will eventually even stop trying.
Remember, you're not just changing a simple behaviour but building a new identity.
This is not a sprint but a marathon.
Here you have it, the three actions to implement right now to build the new you!
I would love to hear about your experiences or trials. What is your biggest challenge at the moment? Please click the reply button and share what has worked or not worked for you. I personally read all my emails. This is in my continued pursuit of creating better content for you.
Every baby step builds your financial confidence.
Sophie
